begin …again

Wow. I think I did it, ha!

If you’re joining me on this blog, I’m thankful you’re here.
I’m not exactly thankful for why I am here. But anyone willing to take time to share in my healing, my process… I’m very thankful for your willingness and courage to face all this with me.

I am not exactly sure if any of us are ready to experience what I have to share on this, just like I wasnt ready to experience the last 9 months of my life… but it must be done.

I’ve given this daily thought since July, cried many tears, talked my inner circle’s ears off for months, had moments of doubt about whether or not I should step out and lean in to this… but I was given a moment of inspiration, divine
intervention, BIG MAGIC… whatever your label for that sort of thing is, and I can’t ignore the call to action.

I’ve been sharing my journey on my personal social media as a newly widowed mother of 2, for nearly 9 months now. Since the day my husband unexpectedly died April 16, 2016, I have not only been left with this ghost of a life I thought I was going to be living with him and our girls, but all these feels, as hard as I try most days, I just can’t keep to myself. I won’t censor and cannot keep from sharing. Its all too much, too big.
And this is my way, as it has always been. Writing. And it deserves its own space, personal arena, tucked away from the noise of social media.

This walk, this widow walk, is an extremely isolating one as it is… keeping all these emotions and feelings to yourself I believe is truly self detrimental and counter-healing. What a shame it is to feel like you have to hide your pain and grief all the time, because someone seems to think…this is life and every day in every way should only be joyful and smiles and happiness.
Well. This is real life. Real tough shit.
Let it out, ALL of it. Not just the joy, happiness and smiles. Let out the honest pain, strife and grit. Let it out. (And let your soul shine).

So, my hope with this is simple..
A safe, honest place I can share motherhood and widowhood openly, candidly, authentically, unfiltered and give permission for someone, anyone who stumbles upon this, to walk and/or share theirs the same.

My moment of divine inspiration? Find out here. I’m excited to share those moments with more than just 3 people and the story of initial inspiration behind SOULSHINE. I’m sure the reasoning behind this project will be ever-evolving and reveal itself more as time goes on.. but for now.. its a safe space for me to find light in the darkness that is constantly berating me. Seek that. Feel that. Keep walking onward holding that. Share that.

No expectations!
This is all going to unfold as real and unscripted as my own personal grief.
There will definitely be joy, hope and humor. It may get ugly, it will certainly be uncomfortable, awkward and sad. Life is. This whole thing we’re doing here in this time we’re here.. it gets ugly, uncomfortable and awkward. But most importantly, it will all be TRUTH rising to the surface.

Lets lean in. And let our soul shine through it.

joy+health+peace,
caroline

#widowstrong