This journey of my recent education, it feels bittersweet how I can’t truly unpack the depths for which it has transformed my life, my self, my self-awareness, my brain, my heart, my entire outlook on life/love/and the universe at large. I went from having a hodge podge of starts and stops in college, culinary school, […]
Category: grieving
4/16/20
I’d be lying if I said this week doesnt grind the grief in my stomach… There is so much grief showing up in all of our lives right now. Stories are coming out about how people are dying alone and loved ones are forced to grieve all alone, isolated. I cannot begin to know that […]
identity
When do you stop being a widow, …or can you? There have been many moments throughout this walk as Shayne’s widow I don’t have all the right words or phrases or even authenticity locked and loaded. I have struggled with finding the words for my emotions. The words don’t always match the weight of what […]
lift and carry
Its been 2.5 years ago today. I’m trying to focus on… not the day, but instead, what positive changes… growth… leaps… bigness I have stepped into since. The progress. Instead of focusing and rewinding myself right back to those moments 2.5 years ago…. What beauty have I created in the space he no longer occupies? […]
recognizable
I haven’t felt like writing about my life so much as I have been (& wanting to) actively participate in living it. Other outlets for my creativity have become available. Or… maybe I am just avoiding sitting with myself and getting honest in this space. I’ve been busy creating in other ways. Therapy helps but […]
&
I really don’t know if I would even want to, I wouldn’t want to spoil any of this and really, wouldn’t have wanted any of this to happen any differently… but if I had to. If I had to tell my newly-widowed self one thing. One thing that might help turn a corner faster. Or, […]
clearing
I felt like this needed to find its way out. No more shame, no guilt. I don’t go to therapy to bitch and complain. I go to therapy so that tiny voice in my head that has wanted me to give up, just give it all up already, and is so tired of the strife […]
ambition
Has anyone ever questioned your ambition? Widows, has your process through this new life been judged? I know a lot of self-starters and entrepreneurs that get a lot of eye rolls over their life outside the box. And if I had a penny for every time I have heard “get a job” by now. Even […]
motherhood
Since becoming Shayne’s widow, motherhood during this two years has been an intense blessing, but also, in all honesty, felt at times like a curse. Why on earth would I consider motherhood to be anything but something extraordinarily wonderful, a gift, every day I wake up and still here to love these babes? Don’t get […]
permission
Do you recognize when you’re in a “season”? When you’re in either the ebb or the flow of things? Lately, I’m thinkin’ this has definitely been a season of surrender. Surrender and permission. I don’t know, I think thats what widows have to do. On our own timelines, surrender to reality, and give ourselves permission […]
the SOULSHINE project 