Category: Uncategorized

relate

I have learned a lot about life and love and relating and my own self the last 2 years. I feel at times I have been catapulted face first into the personal growth and healing and learning of 10 years in just 2. Sure, its been a lot. And people with “a lot” just have […]

clearing

I felt like this needed to find its way out. No more shame, no guilt. I don’t go to therapy to bitch and complain. I go to therapy so that tiny voice in my head that has wanted me to give up, just give it all up already, and is so tired of the strife […]

31

I woke up from my slumber party for my 11th birthday, and playing with my new Sky Dancer doll, that Barbie-ish doll with the wings that flew up into the air when you pull the seahorse cord. I can remember distinctly I was in the space between my ears, for the first time in my […]

coming home

We pulled into our new apartment complex with the van packed full of goodies from IKEA and COSTCO, our 3 beating, eager hearts, and a whole lot of courage. That was it. That’s what landed in the inaugural babe cave just 14 months ago, night one. Just our beating hearts of courage, lots of good […]

time to move on

We were definite opposites. I always used to poke fun at him about being a busy-body, never sitting down, always checking things off his list in his head. Shayne was so efficient. Always on a task. One task to the next. I don’t know if it was anxiety or just his love language, acts of service, […]

the first year

There are no words …and would require ALL the words… to describe, recount, express what I have experienced in the 365 days since Shayne died. I still hesitate when I type that. When I say it. He died. Still… HOW is that even possible and my reality? My God… my brain still trips over the […]

miles to go

I have anxiety. Its nearly always bubbling below the surface. I wake up with an anxious stomach and unless I am staying in the moment, its there waiting for me. I had no idea what “having anxiety” even was or felt like until around 7 months ago. When I was starting to come out of […]

mean to me

What I haven’t wanted to do was write… Which is precisely why, I must. I have spent the better part of the last few days feeling ANGRY. MAD. FRUSTRATED. And when I say better part.. I mean it. And anyone who endures this all-engrossing, tight-clenched grip of grief knows… you don’t exaggerate any of it. […]

thank you

Its been a long day, hell what am I even saying… they’ve all been long days of varying degrees. Time sometimes creeps by even slower, especially those particular hours between the time we get home from school til bedtime! We did find our toes in the sand tonight, and that’s always a chance to take […]