Tag: widowhood blog

relate

I have learned a lot about life and love and relating and my own self the last 2 years. I feel at times I have been catapulted face first into the personal growth and healing and learning of 10 years in just 2. Sure, its been a lot. And people with “a lot” just have […]

lift and carry

Its been 2.5 years ago today. I’m trying to focus on… not the day, but instead, what positive changes… growth… leaps… bigness I have stepped into since. The progress. Instead of focusing and rewinding myself right back to those moments 2.5 years ago…. What beauty have I created in the space he no longer occupies? […]

recognizable

I haven’t felt like writing about my life so much as I have been (& wanting to) actively participate in living it. Other outlets for my creativity have become available. Or… maybe I am just avoiding sitting with myself and getting honest in this space. I’ve been busy creating in other ways. Therapy helps but […]

&

I really don’t know if I would even want to, I wouldn’t want to spoil any of this and really, wouldn’t have wanted any of this to happen any differently… but if I had to. If I had to tell my newly-widowed self one thing. One thing that might help turn a corner faster. Or, […]

motherhood

Since becoming Shayne’s widow, motherhood during this two years has been an intense blessing, but also, in all honesty, felt at times like a curse. Why on earth would I consider motherhood to be anything but something extraordinarily wonderful, a gift, every day I wake up and still here to love these babes? Don’t get […]

gift giving

I was asked recently if sending a Christmas card to a grieving family who had recently lost a loved one was appropriate. Nothing wrong with asking me this question, I honor it. A whole lot. Anyone who is willing to ask me these types of questions is brave, mindful, and it shows a whole lot […]

love in photographs

This is the progression. The journey in photos of our time here at the beach thus far. That first photo was taken by Melissa right after we moved here last year. It was July 16th… 3 months to the day since Shayne died. I woke up griefy. Almost cancelled on them because I felt like […]

sky full of stars

I can’t explain with full rationale why I have taken a hiatus here. This means so much to me, why do I push it away? Every time someone asks me if I’ve “written lately” and “well, why not?” I stumble through a half-ass explanation about being anxious and not wanting to share certain things out of […]

clean break

I was cleaning our babe cave all morning and over and over and over and OVER my brain is reminding me, “He would be doing this… and this… and cleaning that… or fixing that…” I do not get a break. I repeat: NO BREAKS. Especially not mental ones. And it angers me. I can’t scrub […]

mean to me

What I haven’t wanted to do was write… Which is precisely why, I must. I have spent the better part of the last few days feeling ANGRY. MAD. FRUSTRATED. And when I say better part.. I mean it. And anyone who endures this all-engrossing, tight-clenched grip of grief knows… you don’t exaggerate any of it. […]