Do you recognize when you’re in a “season”? When you’re in either the ebb or the flow of things? Lately, I’m thinkin’ this has definitely been a season of surrender. Surrender and permission. I don’t know, I think thats what widows have to do. On our own timelines, surrender to reality, and give ourselves permission […]
Tag: widowhood
love letter
I recently had the opportunity to participate in a Life Empowerment Workshop, led by the inspiring and steady as a beating drum Sid McNairy. It was suggested we write a love letter to a person who we defined and held a personal complaint with, in efforts to transition us out of keeping a victim mentality. […]
gift giving
I was asked recently if sending a Christmas card to a grieving family who had recently lost a loved one was appropriate. Nothing wrong with asking me this question, I honor it. A whole lot. Anyone who is willing to ask me these types of questions is brave, mindful, and it shows a whole lot […]
love in photographs
This is the progression. The journey in photos of our time here at the beach thus far. That first photo was taken by Melissa right after we moved here last year. It was July 16th… 3 months to the day since Shayne died. I woke up griefy. Almost cancelled on them because I felt like […]
missing person
This isn’t something I could have anticipated. I miss him. A lot. A lot, a lot. Like stuffing it down, swallowing it hole, a lot. Feels like now, more than ever, I’m craving his presence, guidance, and friendship. Awake at night a lot. Closing my eyes, swallowing tears, catching my breath alone, a lot. Feeling […]
soulrise
I keep thinking of what my friend asked me weeks ago and which I wrote about… she asked me if I have allowed myself to still dream. I laid between my girls as they napped, while making me feel like I was steaming in a sauna, and it seems to always be in these unpretentious […]
sky full of stars
I can’t explain with full rationale why I have taken a hiatus here. This means so much to me, why do I push it away? Every time someone asks me if I’ve “written lately” and “well, why not?” I stumble through a half-ass explanation about being anxious and not wanting to share certain things out of […]
clean break
I was cleaning our babe cave all morning and over and over and over and OVER my brain is reminding me, “He would be doing this… and this… and cleaning that… or fixing that…” I do not get a break. I repeat: NO BREAKS. Especially not mental ones. And it angers me. I can’t scrub […]
mean to me
What I haven’t wanted to do was write… Which is precisely why, I must. I have spent the better part of the last few days feeling ANGRY. MAD. FRUSTRATED. And when I say better part.. I mean it. And anyone who endures this all-engrossing, tight-clenched grip of grief knows… you don’t exaggerate any of it. […]
gray-cious
I was thinking, it certainly feels like this week requires of me to end it the same as we began it… a deep breath and blind hope, gratitude and celebrating LIFE. His life. Our life. Just being here, still. Waking up. Holding these ladies. The breath in our lungs. And blowing out the damn candle(s). […]
the SOULSHINE project 